SexyReview: AV Mei SHao Nv Zhan Shi (NES)

[Jango]

Intro:
You more than likely have heard of the unlicensed NES game Kart Fighter, in which you got the entire cast of Mario Kart for a good old fashioned throwdown. You may have even heard of "Street Fighter e," which had pretty much nothing to do with Street Fighter except for characters that borrowed movelists (ie: Ranbo = Guile). However, have you ever heard of one of their lesser-known titles, AV Mei Shao Nv Zhan Shi? Also known as AV Bishoujo Girl Fighting, it doesn't get as much press as its other pirate brethren. And most likely because... it's a porno.



Gameplay:
In typical 2D fighter style, you basically beat the shit out of the other person. A and B are your only attack buttons, which are a punch and a kick, respectfully. Doing commands triggers a few special moves, and... yeah that's pretty much it. The problem? It controls terribly. Physics go out the window, characters are sliding backwards and forwards, you can hit an opponent after jumping behind them... fun buggy times. BUT LET'S MEET OUR LOVELY LADIES



I recognize Chun-Li, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars without her top, one of the bunny girls from Street Fighter e, and a bunch of Ranma girls. Best part is, those are their actual scales in-combat. It's like the developer just said "fuck you" to consistency and threw whatever they wanted into the game.

Anyway, onto the porn. Every time you win a round, you get a shot of one girl getting undressed, then usually nude. Since there are two rounds to win per match, you get two shots. What makes it hilarious is that artwork is terrible. I unfortunately can't post any pics not because I don't know how to censor images, but because the joke is in the way the genitals are drawn. Apparently vaginas are like saran-wrap in that they are paper-thin and can can DISATTACHED FROM THE FUCKING BODY. The music makes it even better, which I'll get to in the next part.

Sound:
The sound effects are pretty terrible as expected with hits sounding more like dragging someone across the floor, but the music is what really makes it laughable. The title screen plays the Sailor Moon theme song, and the player select plays the Kart Select music from Super Mario Kart. Two tracks are actually different arrangements of the Koopa Beach song from Mario Kart, and others were lifted from both SFe and Kart Fighter. There's also a few other songs that I'm assuming are arrangements of Ranma game songs. When either player wins a round, it plays Bowser's victory music from Super Mario Kart. And the CG's? You get generic ragtime music, which adds to the surrealism.

Rehash Value:
Holy fuck I'm actually using it the way Double intended.

This pretty much takes Rehash Value to an unhealthy extreme, reusing sprites from older efforts without any sort of consistency. Backgrounds are recycled from SFe, although there are some new edits from one of the Ranma games. And yeah, the music as well.

Plot:
N/A

Difficulty:
At first it will be as hard as tits. After that, you'll find that most characters have a game-breaking attack that you can spam over and over again to win.

Overall Rating: 2
Fuck averaging

Final Thoughts:
You'd think these guys were trying to port MUGEN to the NES or something.

[Jesuszilla]

... I kinda want to see the porn to see how horrible it is. Perhaps links with NSFW marks will be fine?

[UHMEEEEBA]

...

[Jesuszilla]

Seriously. I want to see if they look as funny as he puts it.

[Jango]

Alright

WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW

http://jango.piiym-net.com/nsfw1.png
http://jango.piiym-net.com/nsfw2.png

WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW WARNING NSFW

On second thought, #2 could possibly be cop-out censorship but whatever.

[Jesuszilla]

LMFAO. SHE HAS FUCKING WORMS.

[maximilianjenus]

douh, she puta  spirit seal ove rhr vagina to ward off evil beings, is not that obvious ?